beemayhem: (Default)
So the shittiest thing happened this evening.
My mom decided that because I had begun to limit and severely moderate my boundaries while dealing with her (including defriending on facebook, changing my email, etc) that she would begin to start using my eight year old son to fuck with me! Doesn't that sound like fun?! Dysfunction, being handed down the generations. Perhaps I should've gotten the camera out and recorded it for posterity, possibly made a scrapbook page for the event.
What happened was I had invited my parents for a dinner at my house. Simple, friendly, normal, right? Not in my family, bub!
My mother has been stewing in anger towards me since my recent 3 week illness, where I had barred her from coming over. Because...3 week illness! Viral infections! My mother has the worst immune system, lungs, etc etc. I slept on the couch for a week, barfing and coughing. She took to stalking me, calling me twice a day, stopping by unannounced and uninvited and most certainly UNWANTED. I handled myself well, I was respectful but as firm as a sick woman with a sick family could be. Regardless, she's still butthurt.
And then she comes to a nice dinner at my home, which my husband invited her and my dad to, with all of her butthurt. She spends all of said dinner evil-eyeing me, icing me out, undermining my parenting ("no, you don't have to finish, _____(grandkid), it's fine!"), and finally completely getting herself banned from my home for good by taking ONE of my kids down to the store for dessert and leaving the other behind and treat-less. This is a chronic thing with her, to favor my son and assume my three year old daughter is a complete imbecile that doesn't notice blatant favoritism and/or being left out of absolutely everything. She also spent the whole evening, as a 52 year old woman, on the floor of my son's room, making fart noises through the bottom crack of the door. The rest of us adults were watching some weird movie, which is pretty typical for dinners or get-togethers. Her playing in my son's room and ONLY hanging out with my son is decidedly Atypical and was noted by all in a weird, uneasy, side-eyeing one another with incredulity sort of way. It sounds funny, until you realize how hostile and absolutely pathetic it was in reality.
So that, an unfair dessert treat, and insubordinate fart noises, have removed my mother's welcome at my home. It'd be kind of amusing if I wasn't so angry and my husband wasn't the one to enact the banhammer. To piss my husband off to the point of removing welcome is an amazing feat. During the fart noise, weird insubordinate inappropriate shit he was almost in a blind rage, tears and all. Fuck with me, fine. Fuck with my kids and use them AT me, fuck with my husband and insult and disrespect him, ESPECIALLY in his house? No.
This should be an interesting boundary to try and keep intact....
beemayhem: (Default)
After a few ill-spent high school years on lj...then sporadic adult ones on blogspot...and a horrible, scarring encounter with Wordpress (really, does anyone enjoy that UI!?), I've run across dreamwidth! Oh, joy! I know how to use this sort of interface. I think. I seem to recall. I mean...yeahhhh.

I don't expect I'll post with any regularity, as I'm absolute shit at remembering to post (or having enough self esteem to consider what I'd like to say worthy to put out in the ether). And I can't say too much of it will be entirely cheerful. I desperately need an outlet for this new, wonderful, and exciting life thing I am going through called "Confronting the Fact I Have a Mentally Ill Parent and Was Emotionally Abusive, Trained Me to be Co-Dependent, and Somehow Was Simultaneously Neglectful"! SO HEY GOOD TIMES. That should be fun to spew on here, I do believe I'm burning my nearest and dearest out occasionally, and that's not fair. To the internet!
I'm also embarking on a whole therapy thing about all of that too, and expect to do some writing or work on that here. That tricky self-esteem business, oh my. It's rough to do, especially as a lady with a ladybrain. I've really got to write and build myself up and stop people pleasing or performing. I'm reasonably certain it won't destroy me if people disagree with, dislike, or don't approve of me. A place void of anyone I know should help work all of that out...right?

This is not to say I don't occasionally have some very humorous or insightful or silly happy things to say, I'm just saying my focus is working and detangling and venting and ruminating. Kind of like a grouchy conditioner.


beemayhem: (Default)

July 2012



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